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Chapter 41: More of the Story and New Perspectives

Nikola found Mary's body on top of the elevator, stuck between the first floor and the basement. Mary lay about four feet below the level of the first floor landing. Nikola tried to reach down to her, but she was too far away. Nikola studied her chest, and saw no movement of any kind to indicate breathing. Nikola glanced at the face, but felt a wave of nausea rise up and had to turn away. She was walking away from the shaft when her father arrived at the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm afraid she's dead."

"No, it can't be," Frederic replied, running towards the shaft. He fell to his knees, looked down at her lifeless body and put his head in his hands, rocking slightly. He murmured the name, "Mary," softly. From the sounds he was making, Nikola had the impression that he was crying.

She watched him for a few minutes and then moved towards him. She put her hand on his shoulder and quietly said, "I'm sorry." When he didn't react, she added, "Come into the apartment, it's more comfortable there."

"We can't leave her here, we must do something," he replied, through his tears.

"I'll run up and call the police," Nikola suggested.

"I can't believe this, it's all my fault, how could this happen?" Frederic uttered through his sobs.

"It's not your fault. She was trying to kill me, you were only trying to protect me."

"I should never have let her know you were here. She didn't know what she was doing."

Nikola looked at him, confused. She couldn't mourn Mary in the way she felt she should mourn a relative, because in the brief time she had known her they had only been adversaries, but it was obvious that Frederic was mourning. She turned, ran up to her apartment, and placed the call to the police. She explained the situation as well as she could, although she still hadn't really accepted it herself. She felt as if her body was running on some kind of automatic setting, from which her mind and emotions were completely detached, as if she was looking in from some great distance.

After she hung up, she ran back downstairs to find her father still poised by the edge of the elevator shaft. She turned to look at him, hunched over and crying softly, and sympathized. She felt guilty for ever having questioned anything he said. From seeing him now, Nikola realized that he was capable of great depth of feeling.

"I'm sorry about Mary," she said softly.

"I've always felt responsible for her."

"But you can't blame yourself. You did everything you could. You couldn't control her actions."

"I should never have let her out of my sight. I shouldn't have let her find out that you were in the country."

"How did she find out?"

"She saw the gallery announcement. She goes through my things all the time. I didn't hide it well enough." Frederic said with fresh tears.

"Why did you tell me she was dead?" Nikola paced behind him.

"The two of you never got along. I thought it was better if I could keep you apart."

"What did she have against me?"

"I don't know. I never understood it. We must do something. We must help her," he said as he knelt down and reached into the shaft. Nikola was afraid he would fall in.

"Let me help," she said as she approached him. She knelt beside her father and looked down. Mary looked very peaceful, as if she was asleep, but it still turned Nikola's stomach to look at her. She swallowed hard to fight back the nausea, braced herself against the shaft cage and reached down. It took some stretching, but Nikola was finally able to reach Mary's wrist. She felt for a pulse, but found none. "She's dead. There's nothing else we can do. The police will get her out and take care of it."

"I can't believe it. I just can't believe it."

"What was she like?"

"Well, she was never really... stable emotionally. I suppose she clung to me too much, but, I didn't want to push her away, because I knew that would hurt her. It wasn't her fault, she needed more stability than we got as children. We moved around a lot for Dad's business. He was just establishing the business then, and it took a lot out of him. Out of all of us, really. He moved the whole family to France, just outside Paris, for two years when he was opening the European offices - in fact I was born there, even though both of my parents are American. Mary was born in Hong Kong, which is where we lived after France." He was talking slowly, and looked down at Mary frequently. Nikola had the impression that he needed to talk, and she was more than happy to listen, hoping to eventually understand.

"We hardly ever saw my parents, even with all the moving around. My father was frequently away at other regional offices, and my mother often went with him. When they were home, they entertained almost constantly, so we were relegated to various nannies and tutors. Mary and I were the only constants in each others lives, and we got very close. Even after we moved back to the States, it was years before we settled down in Grove. Before that we lived in San Francisco, Seattle, Miami, wherever Dad needed to establish business connections... It was really hard on us kids, we had to change schools and friends every couple of years. Plus, my parents kept traveling constantly, so we were always staying with different people. I think it was especially hard on Mary, because she had more trouble than most kids do adjusting to change. She really needed more stability. I tried to be her best friend, a kind of stable anchor, and she got very attached to me. It was kind of natural under the circumstances, I suppose. Only she took it a little too far."

"What do you mean?" Nikola asked curiously.

"Well, after I met your mother, Mary became very jealous of her. She was jealous of any one who took my time away from her. Didi certainly did her best to make peace with Mary, but Mary would have no part of it. She almost seemed to relish hating Didi. They fought a lot. I suppose Mary instigated it most of the time, but I couldn't see that then. I hated the situation, but I really didn't know what to do. I knew that putting Mary in any kind of institution would have killed her, and I had promised my mother that I would take care of her. I was in a real bind."

"Didn't you ever think that Mary might try to hurt me or my mother?" Nikola was almost angry now that she felt like she was getting closer to the truth.

"Mary? Never! She liked to throw her tantrums, and tried to grab attention, but it was all in fun for her. She would never hurt anyone, not even an insect."

Nikola's eyebrows went up and she stared at him in complete disbelief. She was shocked that he could be so completely wrong about someone that he spent so much time with. "She killed my mother," Nikola whispered.

"What did you say?" Frederic asked in such a way that Nikola wasn't sure if he didn't hear, or just didn't believe her.

"She killed my mother," Nikola said more clearly.

"No, my dear, you're wrong. It was an accident."

"But you weren't there. I was. I saw it all. Mary pushed her down those stairs."

"I told you. Mary couldn't have done anything like that. It must have been your imagination. Ever since you were a little girl, you've always had a vivid imagination."

"But I saw her..."

"How can you be so sure?" Frederic now turned to look at Nikola. "You couldn't remember anything for years, and now what? They came back in a dream or something? How can you be so sure that they're not changed by all those years of sitting in your head? Or colored by what you're feeling now? I've known my sister since she was born, and I tell you, she would never do such a thing." His voice was rising and the way he looked at Nikola was almost an accusation.

"Then, how do you explain her attack on me?"

"I don't know," he said much more quietly, looking down into the shaft once again. "That was disturbing, and totally out of character. I don't know what came over her. I don't think she understood what she was doing. I think the past few years have been particularly hard on her. I know she worried about the boy's future."

Nikola completely disagreed with what he was saying, but decided to let the matter rest. If he's been fooling himself for all these years, he's probably not going to stop now that she's dead. "The boy?" she asked aloud.

"Frank, Mary's son."

"Another thing you lied about when we met. You never mentioned that she had a son," now it was Nikola's turn for accusation, and she was glad that she could finally confront him with some of the questions she had been contemplating since their first meeting.

"It didn't seem important. We had so much to catch up on that I didn't know where to start. He was born while I was in Europe, on the trip where I met your mother."

"So he's my age?"

"Actually, he's a little older, but pretty close."

"Did he grow up in that house?"

"He and my sister had their own wing, we really didn't see them much..."

"What happened to his father?"

"Mary would never tell us who the father was. We suspected a local boy, but he never confessed, so we brought up her son in the house, there was really nothing else we could do."

Nikola looked at him blankly, she had no idea how to proceed. She wanted to ask him if all her nightmares were true, if she was really abused by Frank as a child, but she couldn't find words with which to frame her questions. She wondered if she would get straight answers, even if she could pose the questions. But, she needed to know more, much more. "What happened after my mother died?"

"That was a very difficult time for me. Mary volunteered to take care of you, but I was afraid to leave you with her. Most of the time she's perfectly rational, intelligent even, and a complete lady, but every so often she snaps, and forgets things. You can never tell when it's going to happen, so I couldn't let her take care of you. I think she was hurt by that. She thought I didn't trust her. I don't know. Anyway, I hired nannies, but none of them stayed very long. They all complained of one thing or another, none of them seemed all that stable themselves, really. I was at quite a loss. You have no idea how much I missed your mother."

"What made you decide to give me up?"

"I told you before, it was business associates..."

"No, I want the truth," Nikola's tone was firm, and she had discovered that her father was not a good liar. Before, when he was talking about Mary, his voice had an evenly flowing canter, despite his interruptions for grief. But when he mentioned the business associates, both his body and his voice became stiff and more staccato. Nikola reasoned that if she was ever going to get the whole truth about her background, this was the time for it.

"I don't know how to say this. As I've said before, it may be a blessing that you don't remember most of your childhood. I wouldn't have let it go on as long as it did, if I had known earlier, but I buried myself in business to get over the loss of your mother. I guess I abandoned the house for a while..."

"What happened?"

"I discovered some evidence of abuse on you. I realized that you had far too many bruises than could be accounted for through normal childhood accidents, and I started questioning people and watching you closer. It didn't take me long to realize that Frank was bullying you. He was a very big child, he sprouted up early, and you were so small, that he probably didn't even realize what he was doing. When I saw that, I knew I had to do something.

"I immediately fired the current nanny, and hired another one, and a nurse, so that there would be two people around to protect you. I told them about my concerns and what to watch out for, and they assured me that they were well versed in such situations and prepared to handle it. They came highly recommended, and they seemed to try hard, but Frank always found a way to get to you. I looked into other places to put him, but I couldn't separate him and Mary. Every time I mentioned it she flew into hysterics, so I thought I would be better for you if you grew up in a different environment."

"So you just gave me to an orphanage? You couldn't think of anything else?" Nikola was close to tears herself, and heard her voice crack.

"If I had institutionalized Frank, I would have had to do the same to Mary, and she would have been a basket case. It probably would've killed her. I just couldn't do that."

"So instead you sent me out to an institution?!?" Nikola looked at him fiercely, old and latent anger was surging to the surface. "Do you have any idea what it's like to grow up in an orphanage? Many of those kids don't make it! Everything is sub-standard. A tiny frail blonde kid who doesn't even know her own name or background gets rough treatment. I might have had better odds with Frank! I can't believe the decision you made!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do. I was completely lost." Frederic looked down into his hands.

"So you chose your sister over your daughter?"

"It was Frank. I had no choice. I lost either way. I'm sorry, I'm terribly sorry. Let me make it up to you now. You never have to worry about anything again. You won't have to think about selling paintings, you can have all the money you want..."

"I don't want your money!" Nikola screamed, enraged by the suggestion. "That doesn't make up for anything. You can't just erase the past like that."

"I didn't know what to do. It was all too much for me to handle. If only Didi had still been alive... She always knew what was right." Tears were once again rolling down his cheeks, only this time he made no effort to hide them. He looked up at Nikola with such desperation that she almost felt sympathy for him. But she still couldn't understand.

"No wonder Mary killed her. She knew she had you twisted around her little finger. She knew she could get rid of me and have you all to herself. That's all she wanted. And she was ready to kill me for it, too."

"No, don't say that. Mary wasn't like that. She was just a poor helpless kid..."

"But how could you abandon your daughter?"

"It was either my daughter or my son."

"What are you talking about?"

"Frank." He said it so quietly that Nikola could hardly hear him. "I suppose you have a right to know. You are family after all, and it affected your life a great deal. Frank is my son."

Nikola just stood immobile and stared at him, stunned. She felt like she had learned much, much more than she ever wanted to know. Frederic was still on the floor, bent over on himself, hiding his face in his hands, as if he wanted to disappear.

After a few silent moments, Frederic looked up at Nikola and said, "I was very young then, I didn't know what I was doing. We had been each other's only friends for so long..."

Nikola could hardly accept what she just heard, let alone formulate a reply. Silence hung heavily between the two of them, for what seemed to Nikola like an eternity, although it was probably only a few minutes. It was finally broken by Alex's arrival. Nikola was grateful for the interruption, and the diversion he provided.

"What's going on here?" Alex asked as he entered.

"There's been an accident," Nikola replied. She continued to recount Mary's visit and the ensuing struggle, ending her story with the fall.

"Are you all right?" Alex asked Nikola.

"Yes, don't worry, I'm fine."

"Your arm is bleeding."

Nikola looked down at the cut in her arm for the first time since it happened. She had been so caught up in everything else that she had forgotten about it, and hadn't even felt the pain. When she looked down, she saw that the fabric of the blouse covering her upper arm was soaked with blood, but the stain didn't seem to be growing anymore. "I think the bleeding has stopped. I'll be okay."

"Let me take a look at it. Did you call the police?"

"They're on their way."

"Then let me bandage that arm in the mean time. Frederic can wait for the police."

Nikola tried to object, but Alex left her no room for discussion. He took her by her good arm and led her up the stairs, wearing an expression informing her that no questions would be tolerated. She was almost glad to be have him take over, and did not mind leaving the death scene and her grieving father. She had had enough of her new family for one day.

Alex led her into the bathroom and began to clean and dress her arm in silence. The peroxide he used stung, but she braced herself and bore the pain silently. It was nothing compared to inner turmoil she was going through.

"I'm afraid I didn't get much info from the police. He still isn't talking. They want to know if you're going to press charges."

"I have no idea." Nikola felt as if she was going to collapse, and couldn't think.

When Alex had finished bandaging her, he said, "You look like you need to sit down. Do you want to talk about it?" He led her to the couch.

"No." Of course she wanted to talk about it. She needed to talk about it, but it didn't seem like something that was appropriate for open discussion. By the way her father had taken such pains to hide it from her, it seemed very clear that this was to be kept a close family secret. In addition, she had no particular desire to inform the world that she came from an incestuous family, but the knowledge was too much to bear alone. She sat down on the couch and stared at the space in front of her, not moving, and hardly thinking. Alex respected her silence and stood by the kitchenette watching her, asking no further questions. Nikola was grateful that he didn't press.

She didn't know how long she was sitting there, but after some time, she heard sounds coming from outside the open apartment door that indicated the arrival of the police. Alex obviously heard them too.

"I'm going to see if they need any help," he said on his way out of the apartment, "Are you going to be all right?"

"I'm right behind you."

"They're probably going to want to ask you a lot of questions."

"It's okay, I'm ready." Nikola replied, once again numb and operating on automatic.

When they got to the first floor, they saw two officers reaching into the elevator shaft, trying to get to Mary's body. Alex joined the effort. The two officers and Alex managed to get the body out of the shaft and they confirmed that she was dead.

Frederic knelt down beside Mary's body, and took her limp hand in his. Nikola looked down at him with a mixture of disgust and pity. She almost wished that she had never found her heritage. She didn't want to be associated with this completely dysfunctional "family," most of whose members had made at least one attempt on her life.

Nikola and Frederic gave their statements to the police. The officers called an ambulance for the body and left with it, accompanied by Frederic. Alex stayed behind, and followed her back up to the apartment. She was dazed as she walked up the stairs, overwhelmed by what had happened and what she heard. It was too much to absorb at once, but she knew what she had to do.

"Is there anything I can help with?" Alex asked once they were back at the apartment.

"On the contrary, I don't want you to do anything at all. You can stop investigating my family." 

"Why?"

"I have everything I need to know."

"You know why they abandoned you?"

"Yes."

"May I ask what happened?"

"I'm afraid I can't tell you. My family has taken great pains to keep the matter private, and I'm afraid that I must respect their wishes."

"Of course. Whatever you feel is right." 

"I need to be alone for a while. I think you should leave."

"Whatever you say. But remember, if you need me you can call me anytime. I'd really like to see you again."

"I need time to sort things out. Thanks for all your help." She kissed him on the cheek, as a gesture of dismissal, and he left, still wearing a confused expression. Nikola sat down in her living room, glad to be alone at last.

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